I wish I could rip my heart out of my chest, then maybe I would get some relief from this constant heaviness weighing me down. I can't live my life and I can't work without reminders. I can't sleep without the dreams that taunt me. I simply can't just be. I'm so mixed up. I've tried and failed countless times to snap myself out of this nightmare and give up this terrible longing. I feel so very, very lonely. I feel so jealous when I see all these other young women who have what I so desperately want. Every night I cry, and every day I live, waiting for the end of the day so I could just release it all. I want to lay in bed all day and cry. I want to go to sleep and wake up to the day that I finally have something I feel I can live for. This endless waiting is taunting me. I'm so miserable I can't stand it. I've talked to everybody I could, but the only person that can fix this is me. But I can't fix it. It's a part of me, this longing, this need. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed, yet this desperate wanting is quickly turning into a need. There is no escape.

I'm too young for this.
So why do I feel like I'm running out of time? :[

Ticked.

Alriiiiight. Gonna be doin a bit of complaining here -- just warnin' ya in case you want to skedaddle before I start in... Ok, then, on your own head be it.

I have fallen ill with the worst case of baby fever imaginable. I have a few friends with kids, and every time they post pictures on facebook, I just turn into this big ball of mush... And then I start getting the "Omgz I want a baby!" thoughts and the sad/empty womb pangs. It's attractive. I tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but the only thing it does is freak him out. Yeah, I gotta find a hobby.

Speaking of the Boy, I was pretty miffed at him earlier. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive, but I think it's kind of lame when your boyfriend kicks you out to watch a TV show. I mean, you have DVR, son! >:-[ And, he didn't kick me out per se, but he said "we can do whatever you want. Just not ____, ______, _____, etc." Great. So watch your show or leave, is that it? Reallll cool. Am I wrong to be slightly pissed at that? I don't know. I was regardless, though haha.

Oh, and my ovaries hurt. Damn PCOS.

I gotta work out, but I'm a real lazy ass, honestly. I need a gym buddy.

Goddamn, this is turning into a list, huh? I should stop now. I swear, I'll blog about something meaningful quite soon. I just had to vent juuust a bit here. 

That's all, folks<3

I will not.

I will not think of babies. I will not think of babies. I will not think of babies. I could go on and on. I have this crazy weird baby fever. I'm too young to be feeling that, but, congrats, I'm obsessed anyway. I will not think of babies. I will not think of babies.. I will not think of babies...