Saturday, August 7, 2010

I wish I could rip my heart out of my chest, then maybe I would get some relief from this constant heaviness weighing me down. I can't live my life and I can't work without reminders. I can't sleep without the dreams that taunt me. I simply can't just be. I'm so mixed up. I've tried and failed countless times to snap myself out of this nightmare and give up this terrible longing. I feel so very, very lonely. I feel so jealous when I see all these other young women who have what I so desperately want. Every night I cry, and every day I live, waiting for the end of the day so I could just release it all. I want to lay in bed all day and cry. I want to go to sleep and wake up to the day that I finally have something I feel I can live for. This endless waiting is taunting me. I'm so miserable I can't stand it. I've talked to everybody I could, but the only person that can fix this is me. But I can't fix it. It's a part of me, this longing, this need. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed, yet this desperate wanting is quickly turning into a need. There is no escape.

I'm too young for this.
So why do I feel like I'm running out of time? :[

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